Book list

As anyone who knows me will attest, my favorite thing to do is reading. Here's a list of books that I'm looking forward to buying (some are already available while some aren't) by list of preference:

1. Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn: The Alloy of Law
2. Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson's A Memory of Light
3. Brandon Sanderson's The Stormlight Archive book 2 (and the rest of the series as and when they come out)
   
4. Simon Kuper & Stefan Szymanski's Soccernomics
5. Any new Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett
   
6. Daniel Abraham’s Long Price Quartet
   
7. Patrick Rothfuss’s Kingkiller Chronicles book 3
8. Joseph Delaney's The Spook's Destiny (and the rest of the series as and when they come out)
9. Joseph Delaney's The Spook's Bestiary
10. Robin Hobb's The Rain Wild Chronicles book 3
11. Robin Hobb's Soldier Son Trilogy

Bucket list

I guess everyone has different dreams of what they would like to achieve during their lifetime. Here's my list of stuff I want to achieve before I finally kick the bucket:

Achieved

• College diploma
• Get married to someone wonderful
  
• Have wonderful kids
• Buy an SLR
• Buy a guitar

Not achieved (but still achievable, I hope)

• Get some pet snakes (starting with ball pythons)
  
• Buy a nice house
• Buy a nice 4x4
• Buy a big motorbike
  
• Be good at playing guitar (not likely, but I can dream!)
  
• Become a decent nature photographer (not necessarily becoming a pro, becoming a good amateur one would be enough for me at this moment)
• Buy a lot more photography gear :P
  
• Travel around Malaysia (with the big bike or 4x4)
• Document as much as possible of Malaysia's wildlife
• Get a degree
• Publish a novel (I think I'll wait until I've lived and experienced a lot of life before trying this)
• Join a soccer coaching course
  

Not achieved (and unlikely to ever achieve)

• Become a herpetologist (because of a stupid decision I made while in school deciding not to take biology, which was really dumb because up until then I'd had a dream of being a herpetologist or at least a zoologist)
• Get (really, really filthy) rich
  

Time will tell how much I'll be able to tick off from my bucket list. I might add or remove stuff from the list as I get older (which is normal I think, after all priorities and all that change as we age), who knows? Anyways, even if I don't achieve much more that what I have already done, I'm still fairly happy with what I have already achieved.

The photographer category that I fall into

I was thinking about how my photography hasn't really improved much since I 1st bought a DSLR in 2007, right after the birth of my son Aqil. I could perhaps give a lot of excuses why I haven't improved:

1. I don't have enough gear
   
2. I don't have much time to concentrate on photography
3. My gear is now obsolete

And so on and so forth. But the fact is all the above are just (lame) excuses. There's nothing wrong with my gear, the gear I have is sufficient enough to take good images. With regards to time, if I had spent a bit of time every now and then on taking pictures and learning photo editing, I'd probably be a much better photographer by now.

I remember reading a post called How to Succeed as a Photographer on The Online Photographer (one of the sites I always read the 1st thing every morning), and thinking about something the author Mike Johnston wrote:

"When I was asked during a lecture at a high school once what kind of photographer I am, I answered "I'm a writer.""

I guess if someone where to ask me the same question, I would answer "I'm a reader". Why? Simply because I probably spend more time reading photography related magazines, forums, websites and blogs rather than actually taking pictures. Thankfully I have kids, which means that I do have ready made subjects to take pictures of. Now all I have to do is drag myself away from the laptop and my magazines, pick up my camera and actually go and take some pictures.

No regrets

I know of some friends who seem to regret getting married because of whatever reasons. Maybe they felt pressured into getting married by their partner, peer pressure or by family. Maybe they just weren't ready. Maybe they weren't ready for the sacrifices and compromises that have to be made in married life. Perhaps once married, they felt married life too constricting. Each person has different reasons, so I'm not going to judge anyone here.

Well, I for one have never regretted getting married. I married a wonderful person and I have 2 wonderful children (with another on the way). Whatever else I had to sacrifice ("freedom", money, etc) I willingly did so knowing what I was getting myself into. Yeah, yeah, I complain now and then, but who doesn't?

For me, if you are not married and thinking about getting married, make sure it is to the right person and make sure you are both prepared for marriage and for all the compromises and sacrifices that have to be made. Make sure you also do it for the right reasons and not because you feel pressured to do so. Otherwise all you'll feel is resentment.

All I have to do is look at my kids and everything seems worth it. The proudest moments in my life were when my kids were born. When I go back home and my kids greet me, all the struggles at work seem worth it. When my wife smiles at me, I fall in love with her again. For me this is what life is for, to have a happy family. I just pray that my family continues to be happy and prosperous.

Of course, it is not always so simple, but as in everything else in life, marriage (and parenthood) needs to be continuously worked on. You can't just expect to be married or to have kids and then have everything miraculously fall into place without any effort at all.

Of course, I don't expect everyone else to feel the same way as I do about marriage. Marriage is perhaps not for everyone or perhaps some people prefer to achieve certain targets in life before settling down. To each his/her own.

It's been awhile

I just realized that's it has been 1 year and 10 months since I last posted anything on this blog. Wow, that's a pretty long hiatus. I guess the reasons are:

1. I ran out of ideas on what to blog
2. I used facebook more (although I tended to use that more to catch up with friends rather updating other people about myself).
3. I was busy with work
4. I was just plain lazy.
5. Nobody really reads my blog except maybe my wife and I don't really need to blog to communicate with her (that would be really weird).
6. I started taking less and less pictures.

Well, I guess now it's time to start blogging again, if nothing more than to just get my thoughts down in writing. Anyways, facebook (and twitter, although I haven't started using that yet) has a limit on the number of characters that you can write in one post. Since I like to write lengthy posts, blogging would then be the best option.

Afiqah is now 1 years old!

It's now the last day of 2009.. and that means it's Afiqah's 1st birthday! Happy 1st Birthday Afiqah!

Celebrating 4 years of marriage to the girl I fell in love with at first sight

From Majlis Perkahwinan

I am sure that there are a lot of people out there who don't believe in love at first sight. I certainly do. The reason being that I fell in love with my wife the first time I laid eyes on her. I remember the stunning smile she gave me when I first looked at her in our tutorial class. That was our only class together in the whole time we were studying as she was in another major than I was. Those classes were the only times I ever came in on time and had a perfect attendance for an early Saturday morning class in my life.

I had just broken up with my girlfriend of 4 years a few months prior to that. And for the first time in my life, I was flooded with options. People were suddenly introducing me to their single friends and sisters. I did try going out with some of them, but nothing ever really clicked for me for most of them.

Here I was, with a lot of options, but not knowing what to do. The reason being that I had fallen in love with a girl who I was too nervous to talk to in class. Being confused, and trying to make the right decision, I decided to do the solat istikhara.

Once I did the solat istikhara, my mind became clear and I decided to follow what my heart told me; that Hawa (which in English is Eve) was the one for me.

I plucked up the courage to get her number and give her a call. This was a new thing for me, because prior to this, all my previous girlfriends were people I already knew or people that were introduced to me. Even though Hawa was in my class, I had never had a conversation with her before. I think the first time I called her, I didn't give her that great an impression. I remember it taking a long, loooong time before I managed to convince her to be my girlfriend. But I never lost confidence that she was the one for me and that she would become my wife. This was the first time I had been so sure about something in my whole life.

A few months after that ( I think it was 6 months, but I can't really remember) my parents went to see her parents to arrange for our marriage. Tragically, 3 days after that, her father passed away, so he never got to see his youngest daughter get married and never got to see our lovely children. May he rest in peace and may God have mercy on his soul.

On the 22nd of December, 2005, we officially got married in an Akad Nikah ceremony. I remember fluffing my lines the first time, but luckily I managed to get it right eventually. (I really hope nobody has a video of that incident). I'm not going to elaborate on that here though. Maybe in next year's post.

We've been married for 4 years now, and my love for her has gotten stronger. We now have 2 children, Aqil, who is going to be 3 next March and Afiqah, who will be a year old on the last day of this year. I am grateful to God that I am blessed with a lovely wife and beautiful children.

We have had our ups and downs, our disagreements, and each of us has had to sacrifice much to make our love work. But I wouldn't have it any other way as I believe this makes our love stronger. And I would still do anything to get her to smile at me, because I fall in love with her anew everytime she smiles at me.

I hope you like the anniversary gift I got for you, Hawa. Happy 4th Anniversary, I love you very much.

Afiqah

On the last day of 2008, we welcomed the birth of our second child, Afiqah. She is my mother-in-law's 23rd grandchild and my parents' 5th grandchild. She's also the first girl grandchild for my parents.

She was actually due on the 9th of January, 2009, but my wife had started bleeding on the 27th of December. Just to be on the safe side, we decided to go to the hospital where the doctor admitted her for one night for observation. After confirming that the baby wasn't about to come out yet, the doctor discharged her. The next Monday however, my wife started to feel some pain so I brought her to the hospital again, where the midwife told us that the baby would probably be born the next day.

The next day, the labor room was full so it was only in the afternoon (around 4PM) when the doctor induced labor. Around 7PM, my wife asked for an epidural because she was in too much pain, unfortunately the anesthetist was unavailable at that time so my wife was only given an epidural around 8.

At around 9PM, the doctor tried to get my wife to push, but the baby wouldn't come out. So the doctor tried again at 10 and then again at 11PM. It turns out that the baby's head was too high (the face was facing up, not down). At midnight, after checking again, the doctor decided to do an operation instead.

Our friends Fariz and Wawa were also there as there son Adib (who was born one week before Aqil) was admitted for high fever (plus Wawa also worked at the hospital) plus my Mom was also there. Wawa helped ask if I could come into the operation theater to watch, and the doctor said yes, so I was able to watch Afiqah being born (I didn't get to watch Aqil being born because the doctors at the hospital he was born in wouldn't let me).

Afiqah right after birth

We had some trouble agreeing on a name for the baby, but after a few days we settled on Afiqah which means generous. Her full name is Sharifah Afiqah Binti Syed Mohd Redza.

Hawa and Afiqah


My mother-in-law with my children


My Mom with Afiqah

I have to say I was quite worried about how my son would take to his baby sister since he's not yet 2 years old, but so far he has surprised me by being interested and by being very careful when he touches or kisses her. Hopefully he stays that way and hopefully he won't start to get jealous and rough with his sister. Here's hoping that he'll become a great big brother!

Aqil's journey in life so far

With my wife due to give birth to our second child at any time, I'm reminded of what is really important to me: my family. One of the great things about photography is how we can use to capture priceless moments with our family, things that we might forget until we take a look at those photos again.

I have to admit that I'm not a great photographer, but it does not matter that much to me since most pictures that I take are snapshots of my son. The important thing to me is to save those memories of moments that are never going to come back again.

I keep meaning to make an album or a scrapbook of each month of my son's life so far. Now with a 2nd child on the way, I'm wondering if I'll ever get it done.

Using Google's Picasa, I had created a web album of each month of my son, Aqil's life. Shown below is one picture from each month of Aqil's life so far.

Aqil at the hospital on the day of his birth.

We had to opt for a cesarean because he was in breach position. My Mom came with me to the hospital for the birth, but the hospital wouldn't let us into the operating theater. It was quite an agonizing wait to find out whether my wife and son were all right after the operation. I have to tell you that holding him for the first time was probably the best moment in my life.

Aqil 2 months old during his Aqiqah ceremony.

My wife had ordered Aqil's Baju Melayu (Malay traditrional clothing) especially for this occasion.

Aqil 3 months old on my father's hammock.

My Father had just bought this hammock and Aqil was one of the first people to try it.

Aqil 4 months old


Aqil 5 months old

Aqil in our hotel room in Sabak Bernam, while we were visiting some relatives there.

Aqil 6 months old


Aqil 7 months old

(disclaimer: do NOT put a baby in a Bumbo seat on an elevated surface, it's dangerous as the baby can tip over and fall head first. Somebody was beside Aqil on both sides when this picture was taken.)

Aqil 8 months old

Aqil eating an orange at my parent's house.

Aqil 9 months old

Aqil having fun at Port Dickson on his Spongebob Squarepants float.

Aqil 10 Months old

My wife introduced Aqil early on to books. So far (at 21 months old) he likes to look at the pictures and name some objects, but hasn't really learned to read yet.

Aqil 11 months old.

An accident in the kitchen (his maternal Grandmother was frying fish when he came into the kitchen, when suddenly the oil popped and some splashed onto his forehead) caused him to have some scars on his forehead, which luckily healed quickly. The scars aren't that clear in this picture because it had already started to heal.

Aqil 1 year old

For some reason he really likes brooms (maybe because he always follow his maternal Grandmother, who takes care of him during the day, while she cleans the house and sweeps the lawn).

Aqil 13 months old

Aqil on the swing in front of his Grandmother's house.

Aqil 14 months old


Aqil 15 months old

Aqil and my wife, Hawa taking a stroll at a park in Shah Alam.

Aqil 16 Months old

Aqil playing with his favourite toys, from the Thomas and Friends television series. The tracks were a present from my sister.

Aqil 17 months old

Aqil at the hotel swimming pool with my wife during our holiday in Malacca.

Aqil 18 months old

Another of his favourite activities, drawing and doodling.

Aqil 19 months old

Aqil pointing to a character in his Thomas and Friends book.

Aqil 20 months old


Aqil 21 months old

Aqil taking an afternoon stroll by the lake at the Enstek housing area in Sepang.

Looking at these and other pictures of my son reminds me to spend more time with him. I'll also post something as soon my second child is born.

All the things we used to do

Why is it that the older we get, the less time we have to do things? Why is this? More responsibility? More obligations? Less energy?

I used to have to play any sport in the afternoon, be it football, badminton, volleyball, or any other team sport. Although for some reason, I can't make myself do solitary exercise like going to the gym or jogging. Perhaps it's because with team sports, you don't really realize that you are exercising, you just concentrate on playing the game and having fun. I'd come back from school, college or work, and then would go out and play a sport. If it rained heavily, or if for some other reason I couldn't play, I would get frustrated.

I know of some friends who were into sports in school, but stopped playing as soon as they finished school. Not me.

Unfortunately, nowadays it is getting harder and harder for me to do this anymore. Which is frustrating since in sports, you never know how long you still have in terms of being able to play. Something could happen (like serious injury) at any time that would stop you permanently from playing the game.

The thing that keeps me positive is sometimes seeing older people still playing sports. Granted, they are not able to play at the same pace, but they usually are able to use their experience to play better. I've seen them play badminton, golf, football (when I say football, I'm referring to soccer) and tennis. I've seen some still go running in the afternoons and feel ashamed that I'm not as fit as they are.

I remember when my friends and I used to play badminton at night, on an outdoor court, with only streetlights as the light source. It was pretty damn funny because we'd be taking airshots and making jokes at each other. However, even this has stopped now for some reason, despite a few attempts to try and play badminton together. I really miss playing sports. Watching or reading about it isn't the same as playing it.

The weird thing is, my friends stopped playing badminton soon after I bought a new racket to replace my old one (the frame got distorted due to me stupidly leaving it in the car.)


The group of people who used to play football (they were different from the group of friends who played badminton with me) soon stopped playing when I bought new football shoes as well. I know it's just coincidence, but it really left me feeling bemused. If everybody was just going to stop playing and I knew about it, I would have saved money instead of replacing old gear, which is now not being used.

At least I'm still relatively young and healthy. I should just go and exercise again, even if it means exercising alone.

Actually going out there to take pictures

Sometime ago I realized that I spent more time reading magazine articles, forums, blogs and online articles about photography than I have actually going out and making pictures.

This could be because I like to read and also because I like looking at amazing pictures that others have made. But it could also be because I'm just plain lazy, so I guess I should really start going out and taking pictures. Another reason is because I get quite self-conscious sometimes with a camera in my hand for some reason.

I keep telling myself that I should just go out and start taking more pictures, since this is the only way to improve. Which is one reason I started this blog, to force myself to take more pictures so that I can put them in this blog.

It's not as if I have a shortage of inspiration.. I probably have more pictures in my flickr favorites than I do in my own flickr photostream.

I always see lots of great locations and interesting subjects to take pictures of, plus I have lots of picture ideas.. so what's stopping me? I really need to stop making excuses and just seize the picture opportunities that come my way. Maybe one of these days, I will.

Self-portraiture

One thing that fascinates me is the fact that most self-portraiture (especially the really creative and wonderful ones) seem to be created by women. Why is this? Is it because women tend to be more in touch with their emotional selves than men? Or have I got my assumptions wrong and there are actually a lot of great self-portraits taken by guys out there?

One thing that I've also noticed is that for some reason, my friends who like to take pictures are also the ones who seem to not like having their own picture taken. Take me for example, I have lots of pictures of other people, but I don't seem to have that many pictures of myself.

Here are some examples of self-portraits that I like on flickr: here, here, here and here.

There are lots more that I have seen that were really creative and very inspiring. The odd thing is that I have never really been motivated to actually and go and make self-portraits of myself. To be honest, I don't really know why. Maybe I should just go and try to capture a self-portrait of myself. Maybe someday..

Limitation is the mother of creativity

I'm one of those people who always think that I could take better pictures if only I had more (and better) equipment, more interesting subjects and more time. But sometimes I'm reminded that sometimes limitation is the mother of creativity. Sometimes when you are seemingly limited by something, you begin to really test the boundaries of those limitations and are able to produce something you might have never thought to try. There are quite a few exceptionally creative movies, pictures and music that were created under certain limitations (censorship, limited budgets etc).

In fact some people like to work under limits so much that they love lomography or use pinhole cameras etc., so that they can get random stuff that are interesting.

For example Alex Majoli has been able to take award winning photos using point and shoot cameras. Joel Charlebois and others have managed to win competitions using point & shoot cameras.

Ok, I'm not saying that my pictures are exceptionally creative, but the achievements of people who have managed to take exceptional images using so called limited equipment inspire me and I have to start challenging myself to take better (and more creative) images with what I already have. Especially since my budget at the moment doesn't really allow me to buy a lot of photography stuff.

I started digital photography by using my friend's digital camera whenever he brought it around and then I borrowed my then girlfriend's (she's now my wife) camera to play around with. One of the results of my experiments with her camera is shown at the top of this post. At the time, I really got frustrated by the camera's shutter lag, so I started playing around with moving the camera while I took pictures. One of those pictures that I took that day was a picture of my guitar (which I still am trying to learn to play). After the picture was taken, it was post-processed using Picasa. It's not great, I know, but as with a lot of my pictures, I'm using it as a sort of starting point to obtain ideas for future pictures. I have some almost good pictures which could be better but at least with digital, the learning curve is a lot faster.

Welcome to Redza Ahmad's blog!

Hi! Welcome to my blog. The purpose of this blog is to for me to use it as an outlet for myself, a place where I can put down in writing my thoughts and at least try to make some use of my pictures.

I also decided to blog as a way to push myself creatively, as with my own blog, I'll need to come up with something fresh often. Hopefully, my photos and my writing will improve as a result.

I also hope that visitors to this blog will come and give comments, perhaps to critique my pictures and writing, plus provide constructive criticism which will help me to become a better writer and photographer. Any thoughts and comments would be greatly appreciated!